Secrets Of Z

BYE.

2009-10-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a pleasure meeting all of you. :)

If you need someone to listen, to talk to, anyone, you know where to reach me. :)

You take care.

- Z

LONE RIDER

2009-09-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

Calling the attention of LONE RIDER. Please check your email. :)

MY LIFE SUCKS

2009-09-15T19:29:00.000-07:00

I’m tired of following other people’s dreams.

I want to start following mine.

Problem is, I have yet to realize what those dreams of mine are..

wqe,nbcvoagfsvan

2009-09-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of always being unappreciated. At school and at home. fuck it.

I hate people. I hate everyone.

And those who appreciate me are people I haven't even met!

I'm getting tired. Of everything..

2009-09-07T03:57:00.000-07:00

It's hard to be yourself when they expect so much from you..

...

2009-09-05T03:45:00.000-07:00

patiently waiting for my Romeo. :)

QUESTION

2009-08-26T21:24:00.000-07:00

What do you think I look like? Seriously. I'm curious about your answers.

IF..

2009-08-23T02:29:00.000-07:00

If they only knew how broken I already am inside.

All I want to do now is curl up and cry.

untitled

2009-08-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

I used to be his favorite.. then something stupid happened. And now, we don't talk to each other anymore. Hell, I don't even look at him when he's here.

Btw, I don't live with my parents, I live with a relative. He's just here when he has to run some errands.

I can't believe the good relationship I had with my father is already history. It started 5 or six months ago. He tells me that I'm lazy, and makes me feel useless, and worthless, and treats me like shit. I felt like I didn't even know him anymore. I always get blamed for everything. Even when I'm just trying to help someone, I still get blamed. When I try to explain my side, they think I'm rebelling against them. If I don't explain, they end up with the conclusion that they're right.

I was born 7 months premature and the doctor said I wasn't gonna live. He's probably regretting that that didn't happen. At least, we have something in common.

He'll be arriving in a few hours. Here's to the coming days which would be full of us ignoring each other.

Z TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE.

2009-08-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

I tried to kill myself 4 years ago when I was about 14 or 15 because of some stupid reason. I ground some expired pills and drank them before I went to sleep. I agree, it was totally stupid. Very very stupid 'cause they weren't enough to kill me, only enough for my body to palpitate and for me to skip school the next day while vomiting that whole day. And to think I even wrote a suicide note for my family to find. Anyway, they never get to read it. Hah. Really stupid of me.

So I swore that the next time I'd try to do that, I'd make sure that it'll work.

By the way, the pills tasted NASTY. nasty, I tell you.

Z’s DREAMS

2009-08-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is different from the previous entry. This is about my dreams. Literally. I’m gonna talk about this event that happens in our REM, Rapid Eye Movement. Yeah, DREAMS.

Déjà Vu. It’s normal to me. I have dreams that really happen. I mean, really happens in my life. The thing is, I don’t remember the dream until it happens. Really hard to explain this. Ugh. It’s like, when you’re walking along this certain road. You know when you’re walking on it for the first time, and you know when you’ve already passed that road before. The latter usually happens to me, it’s just that, there’s no way that I could’ve walked that road. Absolutely no way. So there, I hope you got my explanation. :P

I also have strange dreams. And when I say strange, I mean strange. Let me tell you a few of those.. I once dreamt of wolverine and that I was part of the X-MEN and that we had to rescue Cyclops and Rogue. I once dreamt that I was romantically involved with a celebrity (I barely thought of him before I had that dream). I once dreamt of murdering a schoolmate of mine. Well, not really murdering, but disposing of the body. The most gruesome dream I’ve ever had, I don’t even want to go to the details of how I’ve disposed the body.

That would be all for now. You all take care. *hugs*

DAYDREAMING IS BAD FOR YOU

2009-08-15T05:12:00.001-07:00

Just Kidding.

I daydream a lot. Wanna know why? ‘Cuz my dreams are better than my reality. Dreaming is the only way I can escape from this reality. Even for just a moment, I can be happy in my own world, where I can have what I want whenever I want it; where everything would turn out how I wanted it to be. Though at times, instead of feeling happiness, I feel the opposite. Because I know they’re just dreams, just a pigment of my imagination. They say dreams come true. It’s not true. At least for me, it’s not. Hasn’t happened to me before.

BEST DAY

2009-08-15T05:10:00.000-07:00

Have you checked out Taylor Swift’s video for “The Best Day”?

I envy her.

I envy her BIG TIME.

I can’t help but cry as I watch the vid.

I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have a family like that.

I wish I had the same encouraging family as she had.

I wish I had the same loving family she has.

I wish I know what it feels like having your mom being there for you.

I wish I could say the same for my father.

I wish I could say the same for my mother.

I wish I could say that I had the best day as well.

But I can’t.

Z SAYS SORRY

2009-08-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

I’d like to apologize for the previous post. :( I wasn’t myself when I wrote that. I won’t be deleting anything. MMMKAY? :) And I won’t be saying stupid things like that again. :)

DELETING IN 10sec...

2009-08-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

10..

9..

8..

I haven't opened this blog for quite some time. Yeah, aside from being pretty busy at school.. I guess I've lost interest in writing here.

7..

6..

5..

I'm actually considering whether or not to delete this blog.. I don't know.. I don't think I'm being productive here. :[ In fact, I don't think I've ever been productive in my life. :[[

4..

3..

Whatever. Just click on the 'Z SUCKS' so this would all be over.

2..

1..

0..

UPdate

2009-08-03T05:26:00.000-07:00

been pretty busy these past few days and I'm really really losing interest going to school. Not that I have any interest at all, well, it's just that, before, I used to 'not care' if I go or not 'cuz I have my allowance and shits like that.. but now, I rarely see some friends at school, either they've already graduated or have a different schedule from mine. It's just been boring nowadays.. I really don't want to go to school anymore.. aaggghhh, fuck my life. I just wanna bum around, watch tv all day, do creative stuffs. I fucking hate my life.

And I know that this is SO random and SO late.. it's about the "chris brown beating rihanna" shit. I think chris brown isn't that guilty as he's projected by this stupid media. I see it as a one-sided report that show's the victim and her bruised face, and then the result would be people disliking chris brown. I think, Chris wouldn't do that to Rihanna if she hadn't done anything to provoke him that would result to her beating. Well, that's just my opinion. Go ahead, hate me for speaking my mind. But guess what? you can go fuck yourselves. Thanks for wasting your time reading this shit. I love you too.

BFFs and some shitty randomness

2009-07-29T03:22:00.000-07:00

I don't tell my bestfriend everything. I just don't feel like I can tell her everything, that she won't spill what I tell her. Yes, I don't trust her that much. Sometimes, I feel closer to my recent friends than her, whom I've known since we were kids. Come to think of it, I have no one to talk to when I'm down. Anyway, I don't really confide in anyone, If I do, it's probably about something not that important. That's why I need this blog, to vent out those emotions I don't show to people. I don't really care if people read this or not. I don't care.

I cry inside the bathroom, or at night, when the lights are out. That's how much of a loner I am. Yes, pathetic, I am. I even talk to myself. Sometimes, I pretend I'm talking to someone. I pretend someone's listening and I imagine what that someone would say, and we have a conversation. Yes, I have an imaginary someone.

If you ask people about me, they'd normally tell you that I'm friendly, I have a lot of friends, a lot of people know me, I'm fun to be with. Yeah, I may be all of those, but that's just a part of me. I don't think there's someone that knows everything about me. No one really knows me.

I'm so good at making others feel better. In fact, I can make practically anyone feel better about themselves. Anyone and everyone except myself. Yeah, that's how miserable my life is. People go to me for advices.

I'm sorry for this random shit, I just have to let this out. Thanks for reading anyway.

GOD

2009-07-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

Why do we have to confess to priests? Can't we just talk directly to God? Why do we go to church on sundays? Why do you have to pray to God first before He helps you? Is he that insensitive?

I'm so confused. I no longer want to believe in God. But I have to just for the sake of having something to believe in. So I'd have something to blame when something goes wrong. But there are a lot of inconsistencies. Half of me wants to be an atheist, the other wants to still believe in God.

NYMPHO

2009-07-18T22:00:00.000-07:00

What's the difference between a nymphomaniac and a sex addict? Or is it just the same?

I think I'm a nympho.. maniac.. :|

DICK FACE

2009-07-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Image from: http://boobookittyfuck.deviantart.com/art/be-my-hangover-girl-4596165

SMILE

2009-07-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it's easier to put on a smile than to tell people how you feel. How you really feel. It's just easier that way. They don't bug you. They don't ask you questions that would make you remember why you can't put on your real smile.

Image from: http://SpyKate.deviantart.com/art/Smile-80063452

PARENTS

2009-07-05T03:02:00.000-07:00

My parents expect so much from me. It's killing me. Why can't they understand that I'm not an overachiever like them? :[

MAKEUP

2009-07-05T02:11:00.000-07:00

Awful, I know.

Image from: http://garotoslipknot.deviantart.com/art/Fairy-Make-Up-37780341

Thank Yous from Z

2009-07-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

Thank You all for your emails. I was hoping but not really expecting people to pay attention to what I write. Your emails make me happy. Thank you Thank you Thank you, really. :)

N.B.K.

2009-07-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

I HAVE NEVER BEEN KISSED.

YEAH, I'M A LOSER. :[

A QUESTION FOR GUYS

2009-07-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

Would you mind a threesome with your girlfriend and another guy? :)

Answer honestly please, Thank You. :)

This got me laughing

2009-07-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

PORN

2009-07-03T20:37:00.001-07:00

I watch porn everyday. I'd like to try DP someday. :)

*I'm actually watching porn right now. *meow*

I Like Older Men

2009-07-03T19:51:00.001-07:00

At a young age, I've found myself fantasizing about being with older men and having sex with them. and I'd probably even have go out with men twice my age. I don't know why. I just prefer older, more built men.

BTW, it also has a limit. Not more than 25 years older than me. :) heehee

THIEF!

2009-07-03T19:46:00.000-07:00

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I stole something from the mall. I stole an eraser. My mom wouldn’t buy it, so I just stole it. Why ask for it when you can just take it. But, I can honestly admit that for my entire life, the whole 20 years (Well except those years that I was still an infant), that I have only shoplifted twice. Just twice. The other one was when I was around 14 or 15. I stole a cologne because I didn’t have enough money to pay for it. The nervousness I’ve felt as I walked past a security guard and walked my way towards the exit of the store was enough for me to promise myself to never do that again. And until now, I’ve been keeping that promise. :) I’m a good girl. :)

VIRGIN

2009-07-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

I'M A VIRGIN TO COCKS, BUT I'M A WHORE TO MY FINGERS.

I've always wondered how it would feel like to have sex. If a cock would feel as good as my fingers.. or better.

*Image from (http://borntosparkle.deviantart.com/art/virgin-73887193)

I HATE MY FAMILY

2009-07-03T01:18:00.000-07:00

*Image from (http://pictureguy.deviantart.com/art/Family-Portrait-Feet-1922855)

What's this blog for? Who is Z anyway?

2009-07-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

Who am I?

Obviously, Z isn't my real name. The letter 'Z' isn't even included in my name. I have no idea why I chose the name Z, maybe because it's the last letter of the alphabet. So what? I don't know. Anyways, just call me Z.

What is this blog for?

I created this blog because I got inspired by secretzen(dot)com. I posted a couple of 'secrets' of mine but I still haven't seen it on the site. Now, thanks to my super short patience and secretzen's super long 'moderation' that I ended up with this blog.

All that I post here are based on my own experiences. I want to express my feelings the best way I possibly can. The pictures I will be using are from the internet for I am not artistic; I cannot make such beautiful works. Don’t worry, I will credit the creators of the pictures.

Email me if you need to talk to someone and I’ll do my best to help you. :) secretsofz@yahoo.com

Please feel free to comment on any my posts. :)

*Image is from (http://Gur1.deviantart.com/art/350Z-18745882)